The Journey toward Recovery
If you are reading this, there is a great chance that you already have or are considering this journey we call recovery. We arrive at different times in our lives and under different circumstances, but we are here. But what does the recovery journey look like?
There are many people who have written on the question, “What is Recovery?” Very simply, recovery is a journey away from addiction and toward healing. There are many highways people take on their journey, whether it be support groups, individual therapy, intensives, rehab, or just self-guided methods. Whatever your process, there are typically several themes that these methods have in common. Here are the three values I feel are most effective as we seek to recover from our brokenness which is rooted the past:
Community - The first place I found a safe and accepting group of men was during a men’s retreat in April 2012. I grew up the church and learned well how to play the religious game. On the outside I was a saint, but in my soul, I was deeply ashamed of my sin. There was no safe place to take this shame, until my experience with this men’s recovery community. The freedom that I found there to be myself, without fear of shame or rejection, was exhilarating. (I hope all of you have had that experience also.) After that retreat I thought I was healed — but that was just a feeling. What I missed in that first experience that I have since learned is that connection is not only the place we get well, but the place we stay well. I am responsible for my own life, but I cannot live by myself. I need the fellowship of others help me own my journey. I have found this community in my weekly support group meetings and in connection with other safe and trusting friends. Without these healing relationships, I would have lost my way and abandoned my recovery. Thank God for safe people.
Vulnerability - Growing up in a broken home, I was desperate for people to see me. I would do or say almost anything to get the approval of others. (That included lying to make my life look more significant — a habit it took into adulthood at great cost.) And while I longed to be known, I was never truly vulnerable. Would I overshare? Yes. Was I needy? Of course. But the truth was that while I longed for others to know me, I did not know myself. My efforts to be seen were a coping mechanism for a deeper wound. I wanted to be loved, just for who I was. It was not until I learned the value of being vulnerable in a safe place that I truly experienced love. As I share my broken parts, sometimes in detail, with others who can see me and reflects grace back to me, a little part of that lonely boy is healed. This happens over and over again as I sit with my friends on my recovery journey. And the more vulnerable I am, the more strength I have to walk the path.
Structure - I love to fly by the seat of pants. Things just seem more fun that way. I know there are many who are terrified by that idea. But that’s how I roll. And that’s also how I struggle. Without structure in my life, I am prone to rationalizing my behavior, falling into destructive habits and overall wasting my time. I thought that getting a fulfilling job, or getting married, would give me the structure I needed stop addictive behaviors, but I was wrong. Not that things aren’t helpful in some way. But they are only helpful after I establish healthy structures in my personal life. A wise friend shared with me about the structures his sponsor encouraged him to begin as he sought to walk his recovery journey. Keep a hour-by-hour schedule, vigorous exercise, self-reflection through journaling, daily connecting, were all healthy habits he began when he got serious about healing. I know in my efforts to ‘fix myself’ I never developed structures like that in my personal life. I am finding them so helpful now, as I continue to learn why I want to act out. But by embracing these daily disciplines, I can continue to know myself in the journey of my recovery.
A final note on sobriety (a topic of discussion I hope you have had with trusted friends) — it is impossible to maintain sobriety without doing our recovery work . Sure, you can ‘white knuckle’ your sobriety for a while, but the underlying habits and beliefs that lead to your addictive behavior are still there. Recovery takes time! There is a reason why we act out, and it is often rooted in the wounds of our past. Without walking intentionally in to the harm that cause our addiction, the old demons that lead to your struggle will inevitably return. We need a new way of living, a way of grace and truth, in order to heal. I pray you will continue to walk with us.
